Past, Present and Future - The Self and the Brain
Our brains are incredibly powerful and can be our best asset or our biggest adversary. Understanding how our brain functions, both from a biological and social conditioning perspective is complex, but not impossible.
The evolutionary aspect of our brain is something that when understood, even on a very basic level, can reveal why we sometimes think, feel and behave the way we do.
One aspect of this is how we relate to and process time. It can seem very complicated and existential, making us feel overwhelmed and confused, especially during difficult circumstances, but it doesn't have to be scary.
This is a common baseline of how Counselling can work. Clients will often narrate their experiences based on time; things that have already happened, what is happening for them right now, and what things they hope, fear or predict will happen in the future.
So let’s have a brief look at what our brain does and why, in relation to time…
THE PAST
The first thing we tend to do is to remember past experiences. We might think about our childhood, our life experiences up to this point, or even recent events that we have concerns about. This is what clients most often bring to Counselling. We might even go further and consider our parents’ or grandparents’ lives as a set of experiences that lead into our own. This is particularly the case for clients who have intergenerational trauma for example.
Thinking about the past on any level is how our brain helps us to learn, build skills and grow. We remember past experiences to be able to repeat things that work and discard things that don’t. Looking back helps us to do things over and over so we get better at it, and also allows us to hold on to information to ensure we avoid danger and prevent harm.
For example, learning to drive a car gets easier each time you do it, because our brain remembers. We remember what each pedal and button does, what it feels like to operate a vehicle, what to look for on the road to help us navigate safely and how to implement the road rules we have learned by putting them into practice. We also learn what we don’t need to think about. The more times we drive, the less we have to concentrate on how hard to push the gas and break pedals for example, or how far to turn the wheel. As we build experience, things start to come naturally so we can focus on more complex problem solving like how to navigate busy roads, tricky conditions like darkness or rain, or how to operate larger vehicles for example.
Remembering creates habits, patterns and familiarity so we can get better at holding on to what we need and letting go of what we don’t. It is easier said than done because what can happen is that we might focus on the wrong thing to hold on to and let go of the good stuff. This can look like rumination. To prevent danger, we tend to over focus on the things that went wrong so we don’t do it again. Then, we forget to build on the skills and lessons we have learned by not remembering and repeating the valuable information and behaviour that was successful and kept us safe.
How our brain functions has a lot to do with our development and early attachment patterns to caregivers; our lived experiences, particularly those that impact our feelings of safety and security; and our lifestyle - where we live, what we eat, how we move, who we are connected to.
THE PRESENT
The here and now seems like the most natural thing in the world to experience. It has been said that it is all that is actually real. All we have is the present moment. It is fleeting sometimes and tricky to manage because our brain and our senses are very busy processing outside of the present moment.
While it can seem like common sense to be in the present moment, it’s not so simple. Our senses can become overwhelmed and our brain can disconnect from the present very easily. The present moment is also something we embody. We not only notice and sense the things around us; our attention fed through our sense of sight, sound, smell, touch and taste; we also make decisions about what action to take in the immediate moment which involves our body - our fine and gross motor skills.
If our brain is overwhelmed, we can experience responses aimed at removing us from danger. These responses occur in the emotional center of our brain called the Amygdala and present as the fight, flight, freeze or fawn responses. These responses can distort our perception of the present moment causing us to over or under react in an effort to keep us safe. We can find it difficult to pay attention, get things done, or simply feel safe and comfortable in our own skin. It disrupts our relationship with ourselves, others and the world around us and we remain in the dysfunctional state of survival mode rather than thriving in wellbeing.
Finding balance in the present moment can be difficult. Our behaviour needs to be in relationship with so many different elements at the same time including our own needs and desires, that of others around us and what is happening in our environment. Some of this is within our control, but most of it is not.
Practicing Acceptance and Commitment is a common theme of Counselling sessions to help clients understand what their obligations and responsibilities are, moment to moment, to get the most out of their day to day, in the safest and most beneficial way. It also highlights what is outside our scope of control or responsibility that simply needs to be tolerated and observed. Learning to set healthy boundaries is an important component of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy that can help with self-regulation in the present moment. This includes building your capacity for how to notice your emotional responses to external stimuli, and how to stay focused and calm so you can make good decisions and get things done.
THE FUTURE
Building on past experiences and managing the present moment as best we can, helps us to organise our thoughts, feelings and activities so that upcoming experiences and events are a little bit more predictable and within our control. Our brain likes to plan ahead so that we don’t have any ambushes or surprises that can throw us off balance or threaten our wellbeing. This is an evolutionary process of how over time we have learned to use our past experiences through remembering. We can then do the things we need and want to do in the present moment, to manifest (this era’s major buzz word!) what will happen to us in the future. It means attracting and creating good things, but also being able to survive and cope through the not so good.
Much of our anxiety, stress and worry is simply a fixation on what hasn’t happened yet, but what could or might happen. It keeps us distracted with possibilities rather than grounded in reality, and causes catastrophising thoughts and beliefs that prevent us from engaging in the necessary action required for progress.
SUMMARY
The past is based on remembering and repeating what is necessary for learning and building skills. Rumination can be the result of an imbalanced way of utilising past experience.
The present is the only thing that is real. It requires the ability to tolerate discomfort and still be able to function. It also enables the experience of sensory wellness, which means being able to experience joy and pleasure. The key to the present moment is the ability to endure transition from stability - through discomfort - to transformation. It requires a healthy connection to the self, and reciprocal, interdependent relationships with others and the environment.
The future can become more predictable and expected, and less unknown, foreboding and overwhelming if we are prepared for a diverse range of possibilities and are centered enough to endure the unpredictable. Worry and anxiety are lessened when there is an expectation and acceptance that some things will work out and some things won’t. Good things will happen and so will bad things - and we can handle both as best we can.
Working with timelines is one of my favourite approaches to the Counselling relationship. It is a phenomenal way to process issues from an experiential and strength-based lens that builds capacity, embodiment and vision for a life that feels stable and secure.
Want to learn more?
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