Toxic Positivity Vs Chronic Pessimism
Happy New Year!
This time of year can feel invigorating and optimistic. Many have had a break for festivities like time off work or even a holiday. Even if you do not observe these particular holidays, things tend to slow down at the end of the year and our approach to life shifts. Regardless of what is happening on an individual level, whether it be the simplification and slowing down, or the ramping up of activities, generally speaking, we are conditioned to be looking ahead to the start of a new cycle.
January can feel positive and exciting. Here in the Southern Hemisphere we are in the midst of summer and all that does to our circadian rhythm. Many of us have let go of the old and are making plans for the new.
Often, we fall into the trap of thinking that this feeling is how it’s supposed to be all the time. We are convinced that happiness, excitement, newness, optimism, positivity and enthusiasm are the normal and neutral state of being. We are sometimes tricked into thinking that if we aren’t in this state of mind, feeling and action, we are somehow failing. We start to believe that the main goal in life is to be happy, successful, comfortable and energetic all the time.
Striving for this state of being as though it is the only and most important way to live is a recipe for disappointment and burnout!
We end up living in a state of fear. That something will inevitably come along and disrupt our peace, wreck our happiness, and interrupt our success. AND IT WILL! Because that is NORMAL!
In an attempt to maintain a high level of wellbeing we are told is desireable and a measure of our character and success, we avoid any chance of interfering with our flow which escalates our stress and anxiety, and avoids the necessary and unavoidable cycles of highs and lows that are the ACTUAL natural state of being.
This is how we fall into the trap of Toxic Positivity. At all costs, we keep that smile on our face, reframe our distress into a story of winning, ignore crucial risks, pitfalls and discomfort that help us to learn and grow, and drive ourselves into despair and exhaustion trying to keep up the facade.
The reality is that life isn’t supposed to be wonderful all the time. That is not only impossible, it’s boring and exhausting. While we hope that adversity, challenges and difficulties are manageable and short lived, we should remind ourselves that problems are a part of life and will come our way now and then. More accurately, there are always things in our life that are imperfect, uncomfortable, undesirable and sometimes even catastrophic. These moments are crucial ingredients for learning new skills, building resilience, and finding new resources and perspectives.
That doesn’t mean we surrender all hope of happiness and satisfaction. Focusing only on the things going wrong, in an effort to correct everything and achieve that sought after state of ongoing perfection is how we end up NEVER enjoying anything.
In an attempt to hide from and disguise our problems, we end up creating a greater state of distress!
So where does the balance lie? How do we enjoy our lives, strive to improve things, but also acknowledge that some things are imperfect and out of our control?
The key is letting go of the either/or mentality, the binary thinking that says life has to be only one way or the other. That if life isn’t perfect, it must be terrible, and if things are going right, we have to prevent things going wrong at all costs.
Achieving happiness and wellbeing is all about finding the balance between surrendering and taking action when necessary, AT THE SAME TIME! It requires equal parts motivation and acceptance.
Sometimes we are too close to the different elements in our lives to see things clearly. We need to take a step back to get some perspective and asking the people immersed in our lives might not give us the most objective, useful or clearest of answers.
That’s where Counselling can help. Talking to a professional and neutral person will help to highlight what is not clear and what needs work in your life. It can also show you what is going well, that can be accessed as a source of information, strength and resource, to support you in addressing the issues that need action and transformation. Fundamentally, Counselling will tell you the TRUTH!
Taking that step into figuring this out for yourself is a very personal and individual act. It takes courage and tenacity. It requires bravery and resilience. But it is not something you need to do alone.
Take advantage of the FREE 30 minute introductory session and discover if you are willing and ready to embark on a new way of living the life you deserve!
