The Pathway to Authentic Identity
There are many reasons why people go to Counselling. Usually it is instigated by a significant life event that feels unmanageable. Or it could be the accumulation of lots of ordinary things that haven’t been dealt with properly and need attention with the help of someone professional, but neutral. Someone who doesn’t have close proximity to the situation. The Counsellor.
Sessions always begin by describing the immediate issue in mind, for example conflict within a relationship, a serious diagnosis, job loss, or a death in the family. The Counsellor and Client get to know each other by talking about the main issue, gradually building familiarity, rapport, trust and confidence.
It rarely stays on topic, because what human beings tend to do is to make connections, find patterns, look for reasoning and explanations, and follow their train of thought as guided by their deepest feelings. As the therapeutic alliance grows, so does the scope of what is talked about, the story growing wider and deeper.
Eventually, what starts to happen is that Clients begin to arrive at the realisation that their experiences, while unique to them, are also not uncommon. The isolation of the crisis begins to dissipate and a broader context starts to take shape.
I have tried to map out the philosophy of my practice in the diagram attached. You may find familiarity in some of the words, making meaning of your own experiences as you journey towards your own Authentic Identity. Here is my very simplified description. I hope it gives you a brief understanding of my perspective and how I tend to approach the Counselling alliance.
We may begin at the bottom. Although anywhere can be a starting point.
On the left we have the external forces of our world which dictate our environment, relationships and choices.
On the right, we have their adverse impacts. These consequences are both personal and collective.
Conditioning causes Trauma and Trauma contributes to Conditioning. Both can be Externally present or Internalised inheritances.
We can learn over time to understand these contributing factors to our identity, on our own through various mechanisms of self-help, or via professional support by accessing Counselling Therapy. Both can occur simultaneously, both are valid, inevitable and necessary.
Counselling gives us the opportunity to address our own personal experiences and inherited elements of our identity, what has harmed or healed us, what we need to change or maintain, and how to transform to become the best version of ourselves.
Our resulting Authentic Self can then decide with full confidence how we will live and what we will contribute for the rest of our lives.
This pathway is not linear. It is ongoing, repetitive and dynamic.
Does any aspect of this story resonate? Can you use it to make meaning in your life?
